Last week, the viral tweet on 鈥溾�� quickly became a funny quote-tweet war. But beneath the jokes lies a shared reality: many young Nigerians are scared to speak up to their parents, even when it affects their mental health, peace, or growth.
To understand what that really looks like, we spoke to five Nigerians who had to draw the line with their parents, without starting World War III.
鈥淚 told my mum I was moving out. I didn鈥檛 ask for permission鈥� 鈥� *Kamsi, 28
When *Kamsi realised she was starting to become resentful, she decided it was best to create physical distance. It didn鈥檛 sit so well with her mum.
鈥淢y mum is sweet but overbearing. She鈥檇 call me at work multiple times, track my movements, and get upset if I didn鈥檛 eat her food. It seemed like she was constantly nagging me, and I was getting very irritable. I knew I had to leave before resentment set in. I found a place, paid for it, and only told her afterwards.
As expected, she cried and said I was abandoning her. We didn鈥檛 talk for days, but eventually, she came around. And honestly, our relationship is better now. I鈥檓 calmer, and so is she.鈥�
鈥淚 told my dad to stop shouting at me like I was a child鈥� 鈥� *Gbemi, 26
There鈥檚 a thin line between respect and fear. Gbemi learned this and stood up for himself in a way that kept the peace.
鈥淎ny time I disagreed with my dad, he called it disrespect. Once, he yelled at me in public over a financial decision I made. When we got home, I told him calmly, 鈥楧addy, I understand you鈥檙e upset, but please don鈥檛 speak to me like that in front of others.鈥� It was awkward, but things changed. He鈥檚 still strict, but he doesn鈥檛 yell at me anymore.”
鈥淚 stopped reporting myself to my mum like I was in boarding school鈥� 鈥� *Zainab, 24
At some point, constant check-ins can get uncomfortable. Zainab had to remind her mum that she wasn鈥檛 a teenager anymore, and she also had to act like it.
鈥淎s the last born, my parents struggle to see me as an adult. My mum would ask for every detail: where I was going, with whom, and when I鈥檇 return. I even had a 7 p.m. curfew.
One day, I gently told her, 鈥楳ummy, I鈥檓 grown now. Please trust me.鈥� I stopped sharing every detail with her. At first, she wasn鈥檛 happy about it, but eventually, she started asking fewer questions. She still checks in, but now it doesn鈥檛 feel like she鈥檚 controlling my life.鈥�
鈥淚 started saying no without guilt鈥� 鈥� *Tolu, 31
For *Tolu, setting boundaries started with one big 鈥渘o.鈥� It wasn鈥檛 easy, but it became the first of many and unlocked her confidence.
鈥淚 was always the 鈥榶es鈥� child. I was the one they called first for errands, favours, and help. I thought it was respect. But when it came time to choose my course of study, my parents wanted me to study medicine since it was my dad鈥檚 dream. I said no for the first time.
My mum gave me a long guilt speech about forgetting where I came from. I felt bad, but I didn鈥檛 back down. I studied architecture instead. That one decision gave me the confidence to say no more often, and without guilt.鈥�
鈥淚 told my parents I was going to therapy against their wishes鈥� 鈥� *Chijioke, 33
For *Chijioke, going against his parents was an act of self-preservation, even if they didn鈥檛 understand.
鈥淚鈥檝e struggled with anxiety for years, but my mum said I needed to pray harder, while my dad called it overthinking. When I told them I wanted to start therapy, they were upset. To them, I was embracing a 鈥榝oreign sickness.鈥�
But I had to tell them, 鈥楾his is helping me. Please let me be.鈥� They still don鈥檛 fully agree with it, but they鈥檝e stopped criticising it. Honestly, that鈥檚 enough for now.鈥�
How to set boundaries with parents
We spoke to , a family therapist, who explained that boundaries with Nigerian parents often feel like rebellion to them, not growth. Many were raised in environments where obedience meant love and silence meant respect. 鈥淲hat the modern world might call emotional abuse, our society often views as correction,鈥� Eya says. But with the right approach, the therapist says it鈥檚 possible to set boundaries with parents without breaking the relationship. Here鈥檚 how he advises people navigating this trope to approach it.
1. Say what you need, but offer reassurance
When Kamsi moved out without asking, her mum cried and accused her of abandonment. But Eya says parents, especially single ones, often misinterpret distance as rejection. 鈥淯se calm tones and express love while staying firm, 鈥� he advises. Try, 鈥淚鈥檓 doing this so we can have a better relationship, not because I don鈥檛 care.鈥� That softens the message without compromising your boundary.
2. Challenge authority without disrespecting it
Gbemi drew the line when his dad yelled at him in public. 鈥淚n Nigerian homes, silence is often mistaken for respect,鈥� Eya explains.
鈥淏ut tone is everything. You can correct a parent gently and still be heard. If your parent is unlikely to listen or might become violent, try less confrontational methods like writing a letter or waiting for a calm moment.鈥�
3. Act like the adult you want them to see
Zainab鈥檚 mum micromanaged her movements until she stopped giving updates. According to Eya, this approach worked because she didn鈥檛 shut her mother out. 鈥淧air your boundaries with maturity,鈥� he explains. 鈥淧arents may not like your decisions, but over time, they鈥檒l adjust.
4. Saying no won鈥檛 kill you, or your parents
Tolu鈥檚 first 鈥渘o鈥� almost shattered her dad鈥檚 image of the perfect and obedient child, but it became the catalyst for confidence. If everything you do is out of guilt, you鈥檒l burn out,鈥� Eya warns. 鈥淚f your parents refuse to accept your choices, involve a third party they trust. It could be an older relative, pastor, or mentor who can help bridge the gap.鈥�
5. Let your results speak when they don鈥檛 understand your choices
Chijioke鈥檚 parents saw therapy as a 鈥渇oreign sickness.鈥� Eya says that鈥檚 common. 鈥�If your parents don鈥檛 get it, let the result speak before trying to convince them upfront. Say, 鈥淚鈥檝e been sleeping better,鈥� or 鈥淚 feel more at peace.鈥� That may help them accept the change even if they don鈥檛 understand it.
Bottomline
Most Nigerian parents were raised in a time when fear, obedience, and silence were packaged as respect. When a child begins to draw boundaries, it feels unfamiliar and even threatening. But that doesn鈥檛 make it wrong.
If you鈥檙e experiencing this with your parents, be patient. Pick your moments, and don鈥檛 be confrontational. Your tone, timing, and consistency can shift even the most rigid dynamics. And remember: You can love your parents, but you still need your boundaries.
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