Relationships can be sweet, chaotic, dramatic, or just a complete waste of time. After years of watching people fall in love and embarrass themselves on social media, I鈥檝e concluded that many Nigerian relationships fall into these Nigerian reality show categories.
So, if your love life were a Nigerian reality show, which one would it be? Let鈥檚 find out.
1. Big Brother Naija: Too much drama, but you can鈥檛 leave
If you鈥檙e in a BBNaija-type relationship, it鈥檚 everyday fighting, making up, fighting again, then whispering sweet nonsense under the duvet. Both (or more) of you are always updating us on social media,so even against our will, we know everything about your relationship.
One minute, you鈥檙e threatening to leave; the next, you鈥檙e cuddling like nothing happened on your Insta story. Your friends are tired, the audience (a.k.a. your group chat) is exhausted, and honestly? So are you. But are you going anywhere? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
2. Gulder Ultimate Search: Suffering in the name of love
Your relationship is just one long endurance test. Only God knows what you鈥檙e looking for there because happiness is certainly not inside. You鈥檙e constantly fighting for survival, and nothing is ever easy. You鈥檝e been in this relationship for three years but you鈥檙e still quoting every couple-coded tweet with 鈥淕od when?鈥�
No dates, no romantic gestures, nothing 鈥� just you struggling like a contestant looking for who-knows-what in the bush. At this point, are you dating or looking for what is not lost? My sibling in Christ, if it didn鈥檛 dey, it didn鈥檛 dey.
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3. Nigerian Idol: You鈥檙e the only one trying
One person is serenading and belting notes with love and effort, while the other is just there, giving off backup singer with no microphone energy.
You鈥檙e sending sweet messages, planning dates, making sacrifices, reading books 鈥� meanwhile, your partner is just coasting through life like someone who bribed the judges. They don鈥檛 believe in Valentine’s Day, they don鈥檛 like going anywhere you like to go, and they also don鈥檛 want you to follow them to the places they like. Do they know something you don鈥檛? Spoiler: This love is not going to the next round.
4. The Real Housewives of Lagos: All about vibes and aesthetics
You both look so good together 鈥� on social media. Matching outfits, luxury dates, and carefully curated soft life content. But behind closed doors? If it鈥檚 not one thing, it’s another.
It鈥檚 a full-blown cold war of shade and tension. Deep down, you both know this relationship is just for the aesthetics and will probably end when the season finale drops. When is that? We lie in wait.
5. Date My Family: You thought you were dating one person, but it鈥檚 a package deal
Are you dating one person or a small village? We can’t tell; your partner鈥檚 family and friends are too involved in your relationship.
If you argue, their mum already knows, and is in your DMs like, 鈥淢y son, why did you say you鈥檙e rooting for Micheal from Love Island?鈥� If you go on a date, their bestie has to come too. At this point, are you dating them or their entire community? But the more, the merrier, I guess.
No matter what reality show your relationship is cosplaying as, as long as you鈥檙e living your truth, there鈥檚 no problem. You鈥檙e in love and the people (me), are entertained, who could ask for more?
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