The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In聽Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Dele and I started dating towards the end of 2023 and got married in September 2024. That鈥檚 almost two years.
How did you and Dele meet?
We met in church in 2022. I鈥檇 just moved to Abuja for a new job and had visited Dele鈥檚 church for the first time. Dele was a member of the follow-up team, so he got my number to ask about my experience as a visitor and encourage me to attend more church services.
We kept in touch after I became a full member; it was just friendship at first. Dele is a finance expert, but we work in similar industries, so we bonded over work stories, shared tips about personal development and often hung out after church with his girlfriend and a few other friends.
His girlfriend?
He was in a relationship when we met. To be honest, I already liked him, but I didn鈥檛 let myself think about the possibility of romance because he had someone.
Fortunately, the lady relocated in 2023, and their relationship fizzled out.
I just realised I said 鈥渇ortunately鈥� like I was praying for their break-up.
LMAO. It does sound like that
Anyway, they grew apart, and Dele and I grew closer. When he asked me out, I was already expecting the question, so I didn’t try any 鈥淚’ll pray about it鈥� delay tactics. I knew God had found a way to bring us together.
What were the early days of the relationship like?
There was a lot of 鈥渕oulding鈥�. Dele made it clear our relationship wasn’t to test the waters; he was dating to marry. So, we had to evaluate all our differences and problem areas to make sure we were on the same page before marriage came around.
One area that took several intentional conversations to address was my tendency to do things on my own. As my parents鈥� first child, I’m used to being self-sufficient and making decisions. This was an advantage until Dele and I got together.
I didn’t know I now needed to tell someone else my salary, carry him along on all my expenses and tell him if I wanted to give someone money 鈥� even the small things like the hairstyle I wanted to make.
Dele expected all that. It took me a while to adjust, and it caused some disagreements. But I now understand that a real partnership means not being afraid to let go of control. I don’t need to have my own way all the time.
Does this apply to both of you?
It does, to an extent. Dele is very open, so he runs whatever he’s thinking by me. When we started dating, I always knew how much he had per time. On our weekly dates, he’d be like, 鈥淚 only have X amount. What can we afford?鈥�
Even when we started planning our wedding, he showed me everything he had in his bank accounts, and we used that to draw up a 鈧�1.8m budget. Ultimately, we exceeded our budget by about 鈧�1m, and I covered the excess. But I could comfortably do that because he’d been transparent with his finances, and I knew he’d already spent all he had.
Now that we’re married, our dynamic has shifted. While we still run decisions by each other, I understand Dele has to have the final say as the man and head of the home. He doesn’t lord it over me, but the truth is, he’s now in control. It’s not an equal partnership anymore, and I have to consciously learn to submit my will and decision-making to him.
It’s easy because I trust him and know he has my best interests in mind. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard 鈥� there’s still the first-child urge to be in control 鈥� but I’m trying my best to adjust.
Are there specific things you’re doing to 鈥渁djust鈥�?
I deliberately leave small decisions to him so I can get used to him taking the lead when big decisions come.
For instance, if we want to watch a movie and have two film options, I say, 鈥淚’m fine with whatever you choose.鈥� Even if I don’t like what he picks, I force myself to enjoy it.
Also, since February, I’ve been sending my salary to him once I receive it. It鈥檚 a way of showing him my love and commitment through my finances and forcing myself to be comfortable with my husband leading, even with something as valuable as money.
You mean your full salary?
Yes. It’s not like I’m dashing him o. It’s just like saying, 鈥淚’ve been paid. We’re one, and I trust you to guide me well in spending this money.鈥�
He laughs and sends me the money back, often with extra money sef. But I know he feels honoured. I learnt this from a mentor in church, and while I can’t advise other women to try it, it’s working for me. It’s helping me set the right foundations of trust early on and ensure I do this marriage thing right.
I know my husband and know he’ll never take advantage of me. Don’t try it with typical Nigerian men who will carry your money and run away, or carry girls.
LOL. Noted. How do finances and budgeting for expenses work in your home now?
My husband earns 鈧�550k/month, slightly more than I do. He handles our 鈧�1.1m/year rent, utility bills, and subscriptions like internet and Netflix. He also gives me a 鈧�50k – 鈧�70k monthly allowance for my hair and nails. Then, he saves about 鈧�150k in a savings app.
I handle feeding and sometimes fuel the car and generator. That usually takes about 鈧�300k/month from my salary. Then I save 鈧�70k and spend the rest with Dele鈥檚 permission.
We’re in the middle of setting up a joint savings account for future projects. We haven’t discussed how much each of us will save, but I assume we’ll just transfer whatever extra money we have left after necessary expenses to the account.
Do these expenses include dates?
That’s what even takes the rest of my salary. Since we got married, I’ve intentionally treated Dele to dates and gifts. My mentor says, 鈥淵ou have to show these men what you want by actually doing it.鈥�
So, I take Dele out instead of waiting for him to take me out on a date and getting angry when it doesn’t cross his mind. I don’t let him pay, either. Whenever he insists on paying, I tell him to plan for his own date instead and treat me. We go on dates almost every weekend 鈥� mostly restaurants and outdoor activities, and spend at least 鈧�50k on each date.
I also randomly buy him stuff when I鈥檓 out or if I see something online. Two weeks ago, I got him a 鈧�48k bottle of perfume.
How are you guys thinking about safety nets?
We have personal savings besides the joint savings plan. Dele currently has about 鈧�450k in his savings account, and I have 鈧�220k.
To be fair, the wedding wiped out almost all our savings. We also had to replace some furniture and buy kitchen utensils in Dele鈥檚 apartment before I moved in, but we’re building up our savings again.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d like us to earn at least 鈧�1.5m monthly within 2-4 years. This would give us room to explore major investments and provide a comfortable life for any children we have in the future.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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