The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In聽Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?聽If yes,聽.
How long have you been with your partner?
I鈥檝e been married for 8 years, but Flora and I dated for two years before we got married. That鈥檚 10 years altogether.
How did you and Flora meet?
We met at the university in 2015. I was a final-year student, and Flora just got in through direct entry. We weren鈥檛 in the same department, but I noticed she attended the same all-night class with me. I thought she was pretty, so I drew close and became friends.
After we became friends, she revealed the real reason she attended the all-night classes: she had no accommodation. I offered to let her squat with me and my roommate, and she agreed. A few weeks into the arrangement, feelings entered, and we started dating.聽
My roommate moved out when we graduated later that year, and Flora and I continued living together.
What was cohabiting like so early in the relationship?
It was quite smooth. I鈥檓 the eldest child and have six sisters, so I understand how to live with women and manage their small wahala. Flora doesn鈥檛 even have wahala like that. She鈥檚 always been an understanding woman.
She knew I didn鈥檛 have money, and we were happy with whatever I gave her to cook. When I had money to take her out, we went out 鈥� mostly to Chicken Republic, the beach or the cinema. When I didn鈥檛 have money, we stayed home and looked at each other.聽
Were the 鈥渘o money鈥� situations regular?
In the beginning, yes. Flora didn鈥檛 earn anything; the expenses were on me. As a student, I made money by running errands for an older family friend. He worked with the federal government, and I wanted to get a government job through his connections, so I hung around his office.
I survived on the random 鈧�5k or 鈧�10k he gave me for errands, which included taking his car to the mechanic, sorting out hotel rooms for his girlfriends or driving them around at midnight. My hard work eventually paid off because I can trace my career path to the man鈥檚 help.
He connected me to the company where I did my NYSC, and I鈥檝e worked with them since 2015. The job also contributed to us getting married in 2017.
How so?
Flora got pregnant, and her parents said their family members couldn鈥檛 have children out of wedlock. They wanted us to marry before she gave birth. If I didn鈥檛 have a job, I鈥檇 have pushed back because how would I even care for a family?
But I was earning 鈧�55k/month, and I figured we鈥檇 make it work. So, we had a small traditional wedding. Our families also supported us, and after the wedding, we had enough to move out of my one-room student hostel into a 鈧�100k/year room and parlour apartment.
Flora was rounding up her final year, so I paid 鈧�60k for her to learn hairdressing to make money and support our home. There was no point looking for a job because it鈥檇 be difficult to juggle it with a child when she gave birth. My job often took me out of town, so she needed a flexible job.
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Did you both discuss how you鈥檇 split the home鈥檚 expenses?
We did, but it wasn鈥檛 much of a split. She made small money here and there from braiding, which was enough to handle some personal needs like toiletries. I handled rent and feeding.
We鈥檝e maintained the same arrangement over the years. However, our dynamic changed slightly in 2023 when my company transferred me to Edo state. Flora stayed back in Asaba, so travel costs have joined our expenses. We travel to see each other at least twice a month.
Flora now has a hair salon, so she pays for food and her transportation when she visits. I send money for school fees and pay the 鈧�400k rent for our apartment in Asaba.
Out of curiosity, is travelling back and forth cheaper than living together in the same city?
It鈥檚 not. The thing is, my two youngest sisters live with me in Edo. In 2023, we lost our family house to some family issues, and since my company provided accommodation, I told my sisters to join me. The plan was for Flora to rent out her salon in a few months and move to join me, but when she heard my sisters had moved in, she refused to come.
Why?
She said she didn鈥檛 want to live with her in-laws. If there鈥檚 one thing Flora and I hardly agree on, it鈥檚 my sisters. Since I started earning a bit more money, I鈥檝e been financially supporting my sisters, and Flora doesn鈥檛 like it. She can鈥檛 stop me, but she murmurs.
I鈥檝e tried to explain that I can鈥檛 watch my sisters suffer without helping them, but I don鈥檛 think she understands. She says I shouldn鈥檛 always respond to their billing. Whichever way, it鈥檚 my money, and no one can dictate what I do with it. But I鈥檓 deliberately not pushing on this living-apart issue.
I understand my wife鈥檚 concerns about living with her in-laws, and I know it won鈥檛 be fair to force her to agree. But I can鈥檛 send my sisters packing or afford to rent an apartment for them. They鈥檙e almost done with uni, so I know they鈥檒l leave sooner or later.
Right
Also, I鈥檓 not paying for my apartment here, so we鈥檙e not incurring double expenses. I don鈥檛 give Flora food money because I鈥檝e told her I can鈥檛 pay for food here and in Asaba. She can come here if she knows she can鈥檛 handle the bills alone. At least I pay school fees and rent.
I鈥檓 considering not paying this year鈥檚 rent because it鈥檚 a waste of money. Maybe I鈥檝e been too understanding. It鈥檚 already been almost two years since we started living apart. I need to put my foot down and stop this child鈥檚 play we鈥檙e doing.
Hm. I hope that chat goes well. Speaking of, what kind of money conversations do you both have?
They鈥檙e mostly about what our two children need or things to fix in the house. Sometimes, when her business isn鈥檛 good, we discuss it, and I support her financially. But that doesn鈥檛 happen all the time.
Flora knows how to manage, so money is not a big issue. She can even settle bills around the house without asking me. The only comma is when she complains about me giving my sisters money. But I think she鈥檚 learning to keep her concerns to herself.
How do you both plan for romance while living apart?
We don鈥檛 do that much anymore because of the distance, work, and the children. Sometimes, when the children are on holiday, we visit malls or playgrounds. I can鈥檛 remember the last time Flora and I went out alone. But sometimes, she calls and tells me she鈥檚 craving one kind of food, and I send her money if I have it. That鈥檚 usually around 鈧�10k.
What about gifts for special occasions?
We don鈥檛 do gifts. If I ask my wife what she wants for her birthday, she鈥檒l say money, so I don鈥檛 bother to ask. I鈥檒l just send her 鈧�15k or 鈧�20k or buy her data on her birthday or maybe Valentine鈥檚 Day. She does the same for me.
Do you both have safety nets?
She鈥檚 a woman, so I know she鈥檒l have savings. Women are always keeping money for one thing or another. Plus, my wife isn鈥檛 the spending type. She can manage for Africa, so I鈥檓 sure she has backup savings somewhere.
I have so many responsibilities that there is no space for savings. I鈥檓 always broke by the middle of the month. Most times, loans from friends and loan apps take me through the month. I also gamble sometimes, and I make extra money here and there.
Also, I do small procurement runs under the table at work, which gives me around 鈧�150k extra monthly. I know I make money, but responsibilities carry everything.
What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?
We鈥檇 like to relocate. Another reason I want her to move in with me is so she can take advantage of my sisters鈥� presence to go to nursing school. At least they can watch the children while she focuses on school. Then we can work on her finding a nursing job abroad so we can all japa together.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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